Humor by Contributors and Mssr Anon Manuscript, 2011
You Know When ... An Insight to Human-dog shared Behaviors
Paraphrased from thousands of sources [Being upgraded, July 2011, ….. .]
If you sneak into the house with food and your deaf dog doesn’t notice, maybe your dog has a cold in its nose (it can be!)
If you sneak into the house with fast-foods, your deaf dog’s nose calls her for a snack you shared with her.
If you go the bathroom in the night, your dog complains because the toilet flushing makes the floor vibration and that woke her up.
Neighborhood kids learned Sign Language (SL) or canine-sign language to chat with your dog and secret messages with each other.
Your symphonic-music-breed of hound sings off-key worse than you do.
Just as your hearing dog does, your deaf dog ignores you by turning her back toward you.
You learn new hand-signs from your dog: when she sees you patting your hair or scratching your head, she come to you with lowered head to get her head petted or scratched too.
You taught your deaf dog the traditional “thumbs-up” signal of kids to mean “good job!” and your “clicker” training sign. Everybody, dogs and kids, immediately gets the message.
You call your dog at night by waving your hand across in front of your porch light or flashlight, like a flashing Train-crossing signal. Your dog's eyes flash the signals back to you.
At home you call your deaf dog by "knocking on wood," not because she is named "Lucky", but because she "hears" the vibrations (sound) and she understands your call.
Your deaf dog discovered that by resting her chin on the telephone-answering machine (which uses its case as a vibrating speaker) and pushing the buttons she can feel by touch her peoples’ voices.
Playing possum to sleep late doesn’t work, because your deaf dog can tell the time of day from seeing sunrise or the light come-on to start the coffee-maker.
July 4th and New Year's Eve fireworks fire worries your long-haired deaf dog. Blast-wave vibrations of “cannon-crackers” that flap her ears make her “duck and cover.”
For your hearing and your deaf dog, praising and scolding combine face expressions, and waving hand and arm gestures.
All the dogs come running when you open a noisy bag of dog-treats; nobody waits for the smell to reach them.
Your deaf dog has no thunderstorm anxieties but panics when lightning bolts strike near at night.
When someone knocks on your door, your deaf dog leaps up, if she is “velcroed” to the door as usual when she’s home alone (people think she's a great Guard!). Our deaf and our hearing dogs walk with us down the sidewalks, ignoring an ordinary dog unless the dog has a yellow-ball.
Deaf dogs sleep through outdoors rackets by dogs and kids.
When you tell people your dog is deaf, they’re amazed your dog barks and knows so much sign language.
If the weather changes to strong winds and heavy rains that make your house shake ever so slightly, your dog wakes up in the dead of night to bark to let her people know and to warn other dogs.
You signal approval with your thumbs-up clicker style "good dog" sign, to your friends and visitors.
Your dog "hears" the garbage truck coming and the Metro-bus too, from their vibration (sound) shaking the ground.
Stomping on the floor doesn’t mean you’re angry – it means you’re calling the deaf dog.
Your dog if asleep leaps up and ducks for cover when she feels the ground shake under the tread of heavy feet or car and truck wheels. The really big ones are welcom to go where-ever they want – nobody that’s intelligent tries to “herd” or chase them.
Your dog lies on your feet or against the door, so that you must awaken her if you leave. [‘velcroing’]
Your hearing dog apparently for amusement stands directly behind the deaf dog, and in a series of barks escalates the volume until the deaf dog wriggles her ears and looks back at the dog who has hot-breath.
Neighbors and friends long ago forgot which is one is deaf, and speak the same to all of you.
You notice goat-bells in the pet-store and immediately think "Just the right size for the deaf dog’s “I want OUT!” door signal!”, and buy a half dozen.
Your deaf dog makes unusual (for her breed) voice sounds when excited or dreaming, such as: 1) yodeling, 2) mooing like a cow, 3) screaming like a banshee when she gets too excited to remember to bark like a hearing dog, or 4) chirping like a cricket to summon help.
Your dog doesn't hear her favorite ‘squeaky’ toy, but she discovered that the squeaking ball really irritates her mother!
Your deaf dog is fascinated by cleaning their humans’ ears and investigates them when she can, but ignores ears of other dogs. (Other dogs don’t like hot dog-breath in their ear.)
Maybe not just for deaf dogs, but an alleged scientist concluded that having puppies (children) doesn't cause grey hair, it's the raising of them that does it.
CONTRIBUTIONS:Little boy with deaf dog being teased by a bully with very large dog, at a park, challenged the bully that the boy's deaf dog could go into a revolving door behind the Bully's dog, and come out first.
When you want to call your deaf dog from where she playing with the kids is in the house, you knock three times on the nearest wall and she comes dashing in. Guests are impressed that your dog knows "morse deaf-dog-code".
A Scots lad was walking his dog in London when well-dressed lass approached and gestured that she wished to chat. He was astonished when she began chatting with his handsome male dog in sign language. Because he was taught by his strict rural Mam to never introduce himself to Lasses, he politely asked his Terrier to introduce him.
Deaf Dog "explosion" Scare-Story: One late night our deaf dog got into the garbage bag, which hadn’t been properly taken out to the dustbin. Next morning we discovered the poor lass had devoured left over prune salad and baked beans. Sadly, going out the dog-door was too much for her and she "exploded."
Summary: Deaf dogs have pretty ears and are otherwise normal. Their humans if they are good people accept and enjoy the unique parts of living with a deaf dog or a blind dog.
If you sneak into the house with food and your deaf dog doesn’t notice, maybe your dog has a cold in its nose (it can be!)
If you sneak into the house with fast-foods, your deaf dog’s nose calls her for a snack you shared with her.
If you go the bathroom in the night, your dog complains because the toilet flushing makes the floor vibration and that woke her up.
Neighborhood kids learned Sign Language (SL) or canine-sign language to chat with your dog and secret messages with each other.
Your symphonic-music-breed of hound sings off-key worse than you do.
Just as your hearing dog does, your deaf dog ignores you by turning her back toward you.
You learn new hand-signs from your dog: when she sees you patting your hair or scratching your head, she come to you with lowered head to get her head petted or scratched too.
You taught your deaf dog the traditional “thumbs-up” signal of kids to mean “good job!” and your “clicker” training sign. Everybody, dogs and kids, immediately gets the message.
You call your dog at night by waving your hand across in front of your porch light or flashlight, like a flashing Train-crossing signal. Your dog's eyes flash the signals back to you.
At home you call your deaf dog by "knocking on wood," not because she is named "Lucky", but because she "hears" the vibrations (sound) and she understands your call.
Your deaf dog discovered that by resting her chin on the telephone-answering machine (which uses its case as a vibrating speaker) and pushing the buttons she can feel by touch her peoples’ voices.
Playing possum to sleep late doesn’t work, because your deaf dog can tell the time of day from seeing sunrise or the light come-on to start the coffee-maker.
July 4th and New Year's Eve fireworks fire worries your long-haired deaf dog. Blast-wave vibrations of “cannon-crackers” that flap her ears make her “duck and cover.”
For your hearing and your deaf dog, praising and scolding combine face expressions, and waving hand and arm gestures.
All the dogs come running when you open a noisy bag of dog-treats; nobody waits for the smell to reach them.
Your deaf dog has no thunderstorm anxieties but panics when lightning bolts strike near at night.
When someone knocks on your door, your deaf dog leaps up, if she is “velcroed” to the door as usual when she’s home alone (people think she's a great Guard!). Our deaf and our hearing dogs walk with us down the sidewalks, ignoring an ordinary dog unless the dog has a yellow-ball.
Deaf dogs sleep through outdoors rackets by dogs and kids.
When you tell people your dog is deaf, they’re amazed your dog barks and knows so much sign language.
If the weather changes to strong winds and heavy rains that make your house shake ever so slightly, your dog wakes up in the dead of night to bark to let her people know and to warn other dogs.
You signal approval with your thumbs-up clicker style "good dog" sign, to your friends and visitors.
Your dog "hears" the garbage truck coming and the Metro-bus too, from their vibration (sound) shaking the ground.
Stomping on the floor doesn’t mean you’re angry – it means you’re calling the deaf dog.
Your dog if asleep leaps up and ducks for cover when she feels the ground shake under the tread of heavy feet or car and truck wheels. The really big ones are welcom to go where-ever they want – nobody that’s intelligent tries to “herd” or chase them.
Your dog lies on your feet or against the door, so that you must awaken her if you leave. [‘velcroing’]
Your hearing dog apparently for amusement stands directly behind the deaf dog, and in a series of barks escalates the volume until the deaf dog wriggles her ears and looks back at the dog who has hot-breath.
Neighbors and friends long ago forgot which is one is deaf, and speak the same to all of you.
You notice goat-bells in the pet-store and immediately think "Just the right size for the deaf dog’s “I want OUT!” door signal!”, and buy a half dozen.
Your deaf dog makes unusual (for her breed) voice sounds when excited or dreaming, such as: 1) yodeling, 2) mooing like a cow, 3) screaming like a banshee when she gets too excited to remember to bark like a hearing dog, or 4) chirping like a cricket to summon help.
Your dog doesn't hear her favorite ‘squeaky’ toy, but she discovered that the squeaking ball really irritates her mother!
Your deaf dog is fascinated by cleaning their humans’ ears and investigates them when she can, but ignores ears of other dogs. (Other dogs don’t like hot dog-breath in their ear.)
Maybe not just for deaf dogs, but an alleged scientist concluded that having puppies (children) doesn't cause grey hair, it's the raising of them that does it.
CONTRIBUTIONS:Little boy with deaf dog being teased by a bully with very large dog, at a park, challenged the bully that the boy's deaf dog could go into a revolving door behind the Bully's dog, and come out first.
When you want to call your deaf dog from where she playing with the kids is in the house, you knock three times on the nearest wall and she comes dashing in. Guests are impressed that your dog knows "morse deaf-dog-code".
A Scots lad was walking his dog in London when well-dressed lass approached and gestured that she wished to chat. He was astonished when she began chatting with his handsome male dog in sign language. Because he was taught by his strict rural Mam to never introduce himself to Lasses, he politely asked his Terrier to introduce him.
Deaf Dog "explosion" Scare-Story: One late night our deaf dog got into the garbage bag, which hadn’t been properly taken out to the dustbin. Next morning we discovered the poor lass had devoured left over prune salad and baked beans. Sadly, going out the dog-door was too much for her and she "exploded."
Summary: Deaf dogs have pretty ears and are otherwise normal. Their humans if they are good people accept and enjoy the unique parts of living with a deaf dog or a blind dog.
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